As an explorer

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I think we've been taught from such a young age that happiness is meant to be something big, all consuming thing. That it is moment that cracks open our bones and changes our lives and sweeps all of the weight inside of us away. That it is something that is awarded to us, gifted to us by the world. That it is something we are always in pursuit of until we find it. And so, we are always waiting. Waiting for this experience, this simplifying in life, a  moment where the wounds are all healed and the growth is all organized neatly within our  hearts aren't afraid of loving anymore and the warmth never leaves. 



But I don't think happiness is something big, or infinite at all. I think real happiness exists in the acceptance of the fact that we will always be balancing what is light and dark within ourselves, believing that you are meant to be here, that you are meant to take up space in this world, finding the human beings who take care of you not in a materialistic way, but rather, finding the human beings who take of your soul, who take care of even the most chaotic parts of who you are. The true happiness is all around us, at all times, pinned and blooming in the things you stopped paying attention to because you were always searching for more. 



And I don't think happiness is something you find or that it is this destination you get to where the night never comes and you are bulletproof and unaffected by the mayhem. I think the mayhem will always exist from it, we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the crashing and the banging of atoms within this Universe. No, I think happiness exists in the understanding that the pain holds just as much importance as the beauty. I think happiness exists in finding the things that make us feel known, and special, and at peace in this world, no matter how small or insignificant they feel, and letting them save us. I think happiness exists in learning how to embrace the dark, in learning how to see it as the very thing that makes us we are literally made appreciate the light.


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